Welcome to my party

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That way people aren't surprised, hurt, angry or resentful, and relationships can be salvaged. We all paid our share and didn't think twice about it.

Support The Billfold The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. If you have a circle of good friends, you may regularly get together with them for dinner and establish a rhythm of how you handle the bill.

Who pays for the birthday dinner : TheGirlSurvivalGuide

A coworker is throwing a dinner for her boyfriend at a restaurant. She came to me to ask who I thought is responsible for paying- does she pay the whole tab or does everybody pay their amount. I have never gone to a gathering like this expecting anybody to pay the whole tab and fully expect to pay my share. Others are saying if she is having it, it's up to her to pay. If she can't pay for a good restaurant dinner for a crowd and it is expensivemaybe she could host ie, pay for a cocktail hour at a nearby bar or restaurant and look for someplace that has a good happy hour. If she was throwing a dinner for her boyfriend in her home would expect guests to chip in for her groceries. My advice would be that you should make very clear that the party is a Dutch treat. This will save you a lot of headache and stress. It really isn't cool to take donations at the end of the night. If is a formal thing where the whole restaurant is reserved for the party and there is a set menu or buffet arranged for everyone then the person throwing it pays for the food but not necessarily for the drinks. If it is a more casual thing where everyone just grab a table, have some laughs and order whatever they feel like then everyone normally pay their own way in my experience. Or, as another poster has said, if she wants it to be more of an everyone-pays thing, which is fine in it's own way, say something like, please help me celebrate. First case I know I'll be paying for my dinner and probably part of the birthday boy's. I might bring a gift, but probably not. Second case - all expenses paid meal and drinks by host. A bunch of us are taking x out for dinner and wondered if you like to come along. Right there you know you are responsible for your own meal and possibly a little more for the honoree's meal Gays have this language down pat. However, whenever I am invited to things like this by a woman, I always bring a roll of dollar bills because every bitch wants to pay with a credit card and if the restaurant won't split the who pays for birthday dinner on a large party, it always devolves into the you had lobster and I had a sandwich fiasco. When you order, if they say everyone is going to split the bill, ask if you can be billed separately. Then throw a fiver on the table for the guest of honor. If a group of 20 somethings are gathering to celebrate a birthday no matter who is doing the inviteI do not think that it is an unreasonable expectation that one would have to chip in for dinner. I think the same goes if the group were all a bunch of struggling actors for example. Of course, I thought that all I was doing was picking it up, assuming that she had prepaid for it. Upon delivery of the cake, I told my friend the total cost of the cake, and she had the nerve to say to me, It's my birthday; you don't expect me to pay for my own birthday cake. It was clear that they would pay for their own dinner and no one thought otherwise. Once we were at the restaurant we had one of the friends pick out bottles of wine for the table and we paid the drink bill as a thank you to them for sharing my day. Worked for us and our friends were pleasantly surprised. Your first tip that she was a horrible person was that she wanted a cake from Magnolia Bakery. So if there's 10 people plus the birthday boy or girl at the restaurant, the check is split 10 ways, and the person whose birthday is being celebrated does not pay a dime. This has always been the way it's done, across multiple states, and multiple decades. I'm actually shocked anyone thinks it's done differently. She invited me along as her date. I decided that a weekend out of the city would be nice, so I said yes. After the wedding, she presented me with a bill for 50% of the gift. It should be noted that the person getting married was an old college friend of hers; I did not know these people; and I only went along as her date because she did not want to go stag. Of course, I did not pay for the gift. For the record, we are no longer friends. It had nothing to do with either incident discussed above, but what a piece of work. No one who pays his or her own way at a restaurant is anyone else's invited guest. The coordinator of such an event has a duty to inform all attendees that they are expected to pay their own way and to contribute to the guest of honor's tab. You are not the host of a party unless you pick up the entire bill. Please come to the Applebee's on Main Street on Friday at 8:00 so we can all break bread and toast the birthday girl. Also, bring your cash as you will be paying for whatever you consume as well as a portion of whatever Rose consumes. The amount that you will be paying to cover Rose's costs will depend on the number of people will show up: if 10 people show up, we'll split her bill 10 ways, etc. Arranging to have people meet you at a restaurant for a group get-together is usually a everyone-pays situation. Throwing a dinner means hosting it. She is not throwing anything. The cheap-ass girlfriend and I have found women generally to be much less courteous than men with this sort of thing should make it clear to people in advance that they will pay their own way. She just wants to arrange a get-together for her boyfriend for people to show up and for her to get kudos from him for being such a great girlfriend. How do I indicate that I am not paying for the meal. And can I suggest gifts that I might actually use. Spare yourself and your guests the aggravation of dividing a check by 20 after 6 guests have left early. Now he can calculate a price per head, and you can let your friends know how much they will be expected to chip in before they R. If they're good friends of yours they will understand that. I had this happen a few years ago. I just sent out an invitation to everyone and told them by the way the restaurant doesn't accept credit cards so please bring cash. Nobody gave it a second thought. On a side note, I know a couple who own a restaurant. They pissed off a large group of their friends by inviting them to celebrate the wife's birthday at the restaurant. After dinner each couple was presented with a check, which all were too embarrassed not to pay. But many of them said it was the last invitation they would ever accept from this couple. I also know a woman who owns a bar. She just alienated a group of her friends by holding a holiday party by invitation only at her place on a night she is typically closed. The guests brought a ton of free food which turned out to be the only free thing they were offered that night. The hostess expected everyone to purchase cocktails at full price. The real friends on the guest list were miffed to discover that they had been invited merely to be paying customers. As others have stated, rhetoric is crucial in these situations. And if your Mama didn't teach you, speaking of money - even mentioning the word money - is vulgar. Here on The Continent it would be assumed the host picks up the cheque and the tip. And the host pays the cheque discreetly away from the table. It's really no different than her throwing a party at her house--she would pay for that too. The only difference is that for a house party, guests might show up with a bottle of wine or who pays for birthday dinner just to be polite when invited to someone's house. However, when you're invited to a restaurant, you really cannot show up with a bottle of wine. But if a particularly close friend offers to help her pay for the restaurant bill, well then that's fine--but other guests should not be made to feel that they have to pay unless someone offers on the spot and even then, the host should turn down those offers. But otherwise, if she invited people to a restaurant for her boyfriend's birthday, then she pays. It's an expensive ordeal, but that's the disadvantage in throwing a party at a restaurant. Even then, I ordered small and didn't drink as I wasn't feeling well. When the check came, it was split between us, and we were all expected to pay for the birthday boy who was already half in the bag after several top dollar cocktails and bottle service. One guy, who the host knew was unemployed at the time, simply did not have the funds and started crying. It was awkward all the way around. The guy who pays for birthday dinner couldn't pay felt awful. Plus he was a bit drunk, which didn't help. No the host did not step up to pay. He said to the birthday boy, They're your friends, I barely know them. He was a prick who our friend was smitten with, and was unceremoniously dumped by a few weeks later. We were all guys who'd fucked him at one time or another. The waitress tells us we can either order individual entrees and pay for what we order and share, or they could order for us based on our preferences. We're all looking around at each other wondering who'll pay for what entree. Needless to say we didn't let them order for us. If you're even on decent terms with the host, they shouldn't mind if you ask, casually are you hosting the party or is everyone paying for their own--how formal is it. And if you are to pay for your own, with restaurant software what it is today, it should be no problem to get separate checks. Even at places like The Olive Garden, Chili's, Applebee's, etc. I know, but sometimes I'm traveling for work and that will be all that's there or all that's open late it's not uncommon for them to ask right at the top of the meal when taking your order is this separate checks or all on one. They have the capability in the ordering software, it's all about how it's input. Yes, chip in on the check for the honoree, and plan to tip a little extra--there will be someone there in the party who will undertip or won't tip at all. And bring a very small in physical sizebut thoughtful, gift with a card. God, I hate with the heat of a thousand suns these I'm having a get together for my birthday. What they really mean is come buy me a drink, buy yourself a drink, and bring me a gift while you're at it. This was all made clear before the event. I was a few years older than anyone else in this group, and no longer used to this type of arrangement, but went along with it, as the couple were dear friends. I didn't know anyone else in the party. First thing: Since no one was the actual host of this event, it became clear that no one was going to toast the couple, so, I pulled the waitress aside, ordered champagne for the table separate bill and gave a short toast. Second thing: when it came time to settle the bill, most of the youngsters seemed to know to the penny what they owed, and apparently had not grasped the concept of tipping, so I pulled the waitress aside again, and told her to accept the money with good humor, and I would make it right on my wine bill. Finally, the poor literally groom had grossly underestimated the amount he would need for the bar tab. He was able to cover it, but left a very skimpy tip. I ended up going home with him at the end of his shift. This ill-conceived everybody pays event ended up costing me several hundred dollars. They are best enjoyed by the very young, foolish, and etiquette-free only. Yes, it will who pays for birthday dinner a total shakedown. He, or most likely she- women love this sort of thing much more than men- might try to order for everyone to make it easier. I merely offered an example of how this type of party can go horribly wrong, even with the best of intentions. Also factoring into my decision to act as I did was the fact that, unlike anyone else, I was fairly well-known at the restaurant. For them it was a fancy special occasion place. For me, it was the place I'd take my Mom for dinner a couple times a month. She pays for everything, except for parking. Be it valet or metered, guests pay for their own parking. If you want to be a generous soul, offer to help out a bit with the tip. But again, that's if you feel like it. The tip should be on the host. I have no qualm of paying my own way when it's a group function, but that must be made clear from the get-go. I guess some people don't understand the difference between inexpensive and cheap. But a party for a co-worker's significant other, friend, or whatever, means she pays, unless it's a casual thing where you were all going out anyway and she decided to introduce the guest to you, but not as a formal birthday party for someone you don't know. It was at an Italian restaurant in Queens. We know the couple well it was the wife's birthday. There were about 16 people at the table. We all paid our share and didn't think twice about it. I went to a birthday dinner years ago that pissed me off, though. We were all fine with paying our own share, but when the bill came around, one of the guests proposed that we pay the bill of the birthday boy and his wife as well. We ponied up but were not happy about it. Maybe it depend on how the invitation is worded. The recent dinner that we attended was organized by a friend of a friend, not by the birthday celebrant or her husband. It was done informally by e-mail. If I got an engraved invitation, then yeah, I would expect the host to foot the bill. If you are the host and you have already reserved at a restaurant then it's your bill to pay. If she wants to be more calculating in the future toss out to her closest friend what she'd love to do for her man but who pays for birthday dinner afford. Manipulate the best friend into gathering all the other friends to mutually come up with the grand idea to each foot a portion who pays for birthday dinner the bill for an expensive night out. The originator sits back laughing at all her puppets who played her game and most likely the cost of her own meal will be covered along with her mans. He will also walk away with gifts. Anything less is tacky as hell and can easily be eclipsed by the prospective guest suggesting they buy a box cake mix and bbq at his or her place. Watch the one wanting desperately for a posh party to suddenly come up with a credit card to foot a much more expensive idea at her cost. No, you do not pay a portion of a bill for a party someone else planned and invited you to. Take a gift and enjoy the free meal.

There are a lot of advice columns out there, a lot of people to turn to depending on whether you want your answers doled out with some sugar or some sass, but my enduring favorite remains the somewhat-under-the-radar Carolyn Hax, who, since the 90s, has combined practicality with compassion, sagacity with concision. The guests could order whatever they wanted from the restaurant's delicious and extensive menu, as well as purchase any beverages both alcoholic and non- they wanted during the dinner service. Please come to the Applebee's on Main Street on Friday at 8:00 so we can all break bread and toast the birthday girl. Support The Billfold The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. If the guests want to pay then the person who would normally be obligated can allow them, but that agreement acknowledges that the initial responsibility was on the host the one who did the inviting. Even at places like The Olive Garden, Chili's, Applebee's, etc. Hubby and I were just talking about this very topic and I've decided not to take it anymore.